This is my “in a funk face.” It’s also proof of my love for you guys and commitment to this blog and “keepin’ it real,” as it is a picture of me with no make-up, in my workout clothes, without having showered, over four hours after completing my Saturday morning Military Tone class (see, told you I was keepin’ it real ).
You may think from reading this blog, that life is always sunny here in HHH. I get up, work out, open my fridge and create delicious, healthy meals, and generally live a healthy, happy, satisfied life.
WRONG! Yesterday (which is today for me as I type this, since I always write my posts a day ahead….did that make sense?), I was in a serious funk. I was grumpy, insecure, and unmotivated in general. Here is one big reason why:
The old “f word” (fat) and good ol’ body insecurity issues are rearing their ugly heads again…and it partially has to do with my upcoming trip to the Healthy Living Summit. Now, don’t get me wrong, I AM TOTALLY PUMPED about my trip, I just have to say that right up front. But, for a few days now, I’ve had this nagging insecurity. You see, although I’ve lost about 30 pounds and maintained that (more or less) for almost three years now, I don’t consider myself “skinny.” I mean, I’m in good shape, but I’m talking size 8/10 range, not ultra-thin or toned. And I find myself worrying, “what if I’m the biggest one there?”
Now, I KNOW that comparing myself others is setting myself up for insecurity, and won’t get me there. I know that a skinny body type is not in my genes (no pun intended), and that I’ll always have to work hard just to stay in good shape. And, normally, I’m ok with that. But we all have our fat days (or weeks), don’t we? And spending as much time as I do at the gym, envying those skinny girls, and reading all these amazing healthy living blogs and seeing people that look even better than I do (some even after having kids for crying out loud!) doesn’t always do wonders for my self esteem.
I’m trying to think positive thoughts, thinking about what I have accomplished, what my body can do, rather than what I wish it looked like, but it’s tough, I’m not gonna lie. I’ll get there, but it’s one step at a time.
I’m also in one of those “I’m sick of being the “healthy” one” moods. You know what I mean, right? Like you would just kill to eat something absolutely decadent, and looking at the new Burgers, Fries and Shakes by Bobby Flay book your mom got you makes you drool, but at the same time just makes you angry?! And after eating lunch yesterday, I was still hungry, but tried to ignore it, and satisfy my hunger with a mini cucumber and some baby carrots…I think you can guess how well that worked!
That leads me to a confession: I am ignoring my own advice for surviving a summer potluck. Today I have our worship team pool party/potluck and I am bringing a deliciously, decadent treat, a Paula Deen recipe (does that give you a clue? ), with my own spin on it of course: Peanut Butter Chocolate Gooey Butter Cakes with M&Ms (if you dare to make them, follow my recipe for Nutella Gooey Butter cakes, swap the Nutella out for PB, and top with 1 cup mini M&Ms). I LOVE to bake, LOVE peanut butter and chocolate, and sometimes just get tired of bringing the token “healthy” option, you know what I mean? (although I am also planning to bring cherries and watermelon). And, yes, there was serious bowl and knife-licking going on, I won’t lie. Given the frame of mine I’ve been in (although hopefully I will have improved by today), I’m not sure I’ll be in the mood to make healthier choices, but I’ll keep you posted.
I’m also just annoyed with technology in general this week. My printer stopped working (which I have been expecting, it IS 6 years old), but it did so RIGHT AFTER I bought a new cartridge …..grrrr. And my computer is much slower than I would like, but I don’t think I can justify getting a new one.
Being in a bad mood is such a waste of a perfect summer Saturday. There are a million things I could be doing, and/or things to get done, but the grumpiness was just dragging me down to the point where I wanted to do something, but at the same time didn’t feel like doing anything, anyone been there before?
So, here is my “de-funking” action plan (I will update you tomorrow as to how it worked, along with how the potluck went):
- get my feelings out by typing this post (if you’re still reading, thanks for listening…you guys are MUCH cheaper than therapy)
- listen to good music on itunes while typing
- have a nice soak in the tub while reading about Will and Kate’s trip to Canada, then get dressed in one of my favourite outfits to make me feel good
- give myself a pedicure to cover up my “freaky running toenail” (don’t ask)
- pray…always gets me in a better frame of mind
- think grateful thoughts
So, on the “grateful thoughts” note, and before I go, since this is a food blog, I’ll share with you two snacks I ate Friday (it was a weird eating day, since I was about, then had a super-late lunch and was gone over the dinner hour again, so more snacks than normal) that were really tasty, so I am grateful for that!
Pre-dinner snack: roasted garlic scapes topped with spritzes of my fancy truffle balsamic vinegar and two slices of ham, spread with a wedge of Laughing Cow light and lemon-dill mustard and wrapped around garden-fresh arugula. It was delicious, and I have to admit, I felt pretty classy eating this snack.
Late-night snack: one 100 calorie bag of kettle corn, 1/4 cup each chocolate Cheerios and Peanut Butter Puffins (SO GOOD! Seriously, how did I live without these things). This was one of those perfect sweet-meets-salty combinations (which you know I love)….will definitely do this again!
On another grateful note, I’m grateful to you, my readers, for sticking with me. I am a work in progress, and I really love having this blog as an outlet to say what I am really feeling (healthy or not). Truly, after writing this, I feel better already…so thank you! I will be back tomorrow to update you on the “de-funking process” and my success (or not) at today’s potluck, and maybe to share with you the tasty pizza I made on Friday.
What do you do to get yourself out of a funk?